The Rebel
by ToxicManipulator
Summary: A harry from a universe where he wasnt the bwl is transported to a world where hes 5 yrs old and has two siblings thanks to being triplets. Being who he is he ditches em doesn't give a damn and decides to make life a living hell for everyone everywhere R
1. Chapter 1

_**Full Summary**_: A Harry Potter from an alternate universe where Neville Longbottom was the boy who lived somehow gets transported to a different world where he has two siblings he never had. Thanks to having run away from the Dursley's in his own world at age eight, he ditches them once again in the new world.

note- For the sake of any questions regarding it- Harry prefers being called by his second name in this AU. James.

* * *

The sound of birds chirping early in the morning greeted one Harry James Potter, a.k.a James 'look-at-me-the-wrong-way-and-die!' Potter, in a rather annoying way. He cracked open a single eye and winced at the sunlight that greeted him, making sure to glare at the offending light, as well as those pesky birds outside._ 'The fuck..? I could've sworn all the wild life in this area got incinerated by that idiot-who-lived in his 'epic' battle...'_

He squinted his eyes at his blurry surroundings while scowling. _'Okay... So there's a good probability I got drunk and violated Neville's home again... Shit, I hope he doesn't report me as an aspiring dark lord again. Stupid git! So I take a piss on his bed.. in his home.. while he's screwing that bint Weasley.. Big deal! Damn git acted like it was the end of the bloody world!'_

Sitting up straight the 'man' tried to get his bearings straight, noticing everything still seemed blurry even after squinting his eyes again._ 'Okay... What the fuck?_

His hands found their way to what felt like a pair of glasses next to his pillow, and put them on. He blinked as his vision returned._ 'Hmmm... Definitely don't recognize this shitty place.'_

Doing a quick check of his surroundings, he gaped when he saw two other small occupied beds in what he now dubbed the 'super shitty room'.

The 'man' stared blankly at the two red heads, one a girl, the other a boy.

"..."

He looked down as his small delicate looking hands, and gaped. "What? Where are my manly calloused hands?", he squeaked. He paled quickly after he spoke, and looked up in horror."W-what happened to m-my manly voice? I sound like a hamster on helium!"

The raven haired boy took several deep breaths and tried to calm himself. _'Okay, calm down... You can work with this James, just relax. Find something that can help explain what the hell's going on!'_

After inspecting the area around his bed he managed to find a small book hidden underneath a very obvious loose plank in the floor. James sweat dropped, staring incredulously at the childish writing on the cover of the book. "Diary of Harry Potter".

James scowled at the book. _'Not only is this thing in a shitty hiding place... but it's a friggen' diary! Definitely not manly! Of course... there's nothing wrong with a journal.' He then glared at the text on the book. 'And why in the hell would anyone willingly identify themselves as harry? It's a crappy name, seriously.'_

The raven haired young boy shrugged, and started reading through the pages of the journal (He refused to call anything with his name on it a bloody diary!)

When he had finished reading the small booklet he frowned, deep in thought._ 'Well, well, well... I seem to have landed my ass in in an entirely different world if what's written in this journal has anything to say... Different world? Hmm. I really should have paid more attention to Granger when she mentioned something to that nature..'_

James sighed, then groaned, face held in hands. _'Ye gods! What in Merlin's name did I do last night?!.. I remember getting into a drinking contest with Sirius.. we both got shit-faced.. hmm...'_

His eyes widened in horror as he recalled having made a bet with Sirius, saying that he could apparate at the same time that a portkey on his person activated... while drunk! He settled his head between his knees and whined piteously._ 'Great! And now I'm stuck in a world where the 'me' here, is a total pussy. And to make matters more troublesome, I'm saddled with two siblings. Triplets! For god's sake, what did that imbecile woman that calls herself my mother drink to make that happen?'_

He sat up, resigned to his fate. He recognized the room he was in as the Dursleys residence. Oddly enough, he didn't live here in his home world, having run away at a ripe young age. Then again, he was five years old here, and if things were to go his way, he'd beat his record from his old world by a good three years. Nice! 'First things first though. I need to check if my magical core and control is still the same in this world.'

James frowned in disappointment when the dresser across the room he was staring at didn't float. He tore a piece of paper from his dia- Journal! His lips quirked slightly when the paper lazily floated into the air. _'It seems i still have my control, perhaps a bit less refined seeing as this body's magic channels are still developing. My core is as pathetically small as a brat can have. I'll have to remedy that untill I can take my leave though. So until then, I'm stuck with 'my meen unkle vernan!', as my counterpart so aptly put.'_

He was snapped out of his reverie when it seemed like the two brats occupying the other beds woke up. The first out of their bed was a young red haired boy with chocolate brown eyes, about the same build and height as James. From what the di-Journal! had said, his name was Melvin Charles Potter. He seemed rather oblivious of his surroundings as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

He snorted mentally and turned to the other brat. This one, a petite young girl, with flowing red hair and warm emerald green eyes sat up in her bed holding what appeared to be an old and used plushy. She was named Daisy Alice Potter according to the journal. Much like her red headed sibling, she seem completely oblivious of her surroundings, while letting out a cute yawn.

James' eyebrow twitched in annoyance. _'Did I just think the word 'cute'? I thought all the binge drinking with Sirius would get rid of that ruddy habit.'_

"Morning Harry, Melvin!" the young redhead chirped. The other redhead smiled, though still dazed from sleepiness. "Mornin'..."

James coldly regarded his two... siblings? Hmm, had to get used to that for now, he supposed. He felt like hammering his head through a wall. _'Now I know I'm gunna feel like an ass when I do a repeat of what I did in my last life... Ah well, I'll cross that bridge when i get to it.'_

Pasting on a cheery grin, James greeted his two siblings. "Good morning guys! You ready for a nice happy day of slave labor for our 'loving' relatives?"

Melvin glared in response and Daisy seemed to sag with glimmering sad eyes. James mentally groaned when he saw the look on sibling number two's- Daisy's face, he'd have to remember to call them by name he mused._ 'Great, now I feel even more like shyte. Just wonderful. Ah well, it'll build them some character, I'm sure.'_

Nodding at his obviously correct logic, he stood up, and went to take a shower, ignoring sibling number one's- Melvin's, glare.

* * *

_Two months later..._

_Dursley residence._

James grinned victoriously. Finally! All his hard work had finally paid off! He could now wandlessly cast most second and third year spells, with the bonus of apparation. During the last two months, he had strained his core every night before bed in order to expand it enough to perform a simple spell used to activate runewords. After his first week the results showed, he gleefully stole two of Vernon's copper bracelets he used to 'fend off arthritis'.

With his slightly increased core he was able to craft magic draining 'void' runes on the bracelets and activated them. Their purpose, solely to constantly strain his magic core and channels. A rather ingenious, and dangerous creation of his own. Rather good thing the Dursley's forced him and his siblings to wear baggy clothing. Vernon wouldn't miss his little bracelets for a long while as he rarely used them.

Suffice to say, after two months he had developed a core as large as an average second year Hogwarts student. He smirked when he walked downstairs holding Dudley's new baseball bat. As he walked into the kitchen he saw his two siblings slaving away at the sink. Cleaning and drying the dishes respectively. _'Psh. Tools.'_

Vernon immediately spotted 'that damned brat' walking into the kitchen holding Duddykins' baseball bat. His beady eyes narrowed accusingly while his cheeks blew up, coloring his face to epic purple proportions. "BOY! What the devil do you think you're doing with our Duddykins ' baseball bat!? Answer me!"

James lazily cleaned out his ear with his pinky ignoring the beached whale.

"Listen to me, DAMN YOU!"

Having just finished cleaning his ear, and wiping off the discoveries on his shirt he smirk lazily at Vernon. "Oi, Fatass McTubbington? Could you yell any louder? You wouldn't want the neighbours coming to undesirable... conclusions.. would you?"

Both Vernon, and Petunia who had just entered the kitchen paled dramatically. Dudley seemed confused as to what was going on, and the redhead duo watched their brother in awe and horror.

James smirked at them. "Anyways. I'm done guv. And I'm here to repay you for all your years of 'kindness'. With interest, of course...", his eyes flashed at the sputtering whale and giraffe, promising untold amounts of pain.

"BOY! You will stop the nonsense this instance, and stand still while I teach you a lesson in respect!", the beached whale shouted standing up, his face now a very magenta purple in color. With his meaty fist raised, Vernon closed the distance between James and himself quickly.. Well, as fast as an overweight six chinned adult can anyway.

James stared on at the slowly, to him, approaching mass of blubber. He reared back the baseball bat, enhancing his muscle strength with magic, and wait for it... wait for it...

BAM!

"YEEEAAARRG!"

The raven haired boy smirked in satisfaction as he heard the telltale signs of toes being turned to dust. Taking aim again, he swung the bat into Vernon's face...

BAM!

"YEEEEEEAAARRGHHH!"

...hearing the glorious sound of a lower jaw being cracked, sending the mass of blubber to the floor where he hugged himself in a fetal position.

Ignoring his horrified audience, James proceeded to break both of Vernon's legs, his arms, and a few ribs just for the hell of it. When he finally finished 'paying back his kindness', he dropped the bat and smiled eerily at petunia. "Well, I'd love to stay around and chat, but I'm afraid I've got a bus to catch and some rapists-for-hire to meet. I'll be sure to tell them to pay you and Uncle Vernon a visit if they find out you've been... mean.. to my two siblings...". Petunia's eyes widened in horror at that statement.

His grin turned predatory as he knelt next to Vernon and whispered to him, unheard by everyone else. "And trust me Vernon... If I hear anything of you abusing my little sister and brother, I'll hunt you down and kill you. Understand? Blink once for no, and twice for yes."

James nodded satisfied when Vernon blinked his eyes well over ten times in 2 seconds flat. Noticing a bulge in Vernon's pocket, he fished out the nice fat wallet and stood up.

He turned his attention back to his audience, and waved cheerily at them as he turned and left Privet drive, number four.

"Toodles!"

* * *

_Two weeks later..._

_Hogwarts, headmaster's office._

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, headmaster of the magic school- Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Supreme Mugwump and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, sat in his cozy office drinking tea doing what many before him dreaded. Paperwork.

His eyes twinkled merrily as he finished the last of his paperwork in record time. Damn, he was good. He laid back and let out a perverse chuckle, ignoring the odd looks the portraits shot him. Paperwork sure was easy if you handed off 3/4ths of the real crappy stuff to your deputy headmistress.

Sitting back into his cozy throne-esque headmaster chair, he opened his bottom drawer fishing out one of his 'special' lemon drops. The ones on his desk were for school children, his staff and probably guests. Many would assume that he spiked his lemon drops. Many would assume correct.

Hidden in the bottom drawers of his desk, he keeps his 'special' supply of lemon drops. Though Aberforth, his brother, didn't really know why, Albus always insisted on keeping his spiking of his lemon drops with Fire whiskey a secret. That's right, lemon drops, spiked with booze. Secretly, our kindly headmaster was a regular drunk, which is why most viewed him as a 'barmy old codger', as he was near always in a semi-tipsy state.

Popping the 'special' lemon drop into his mouth, Albus sighed in content, ignoring the disapproving looks the sorting hat and his phoenix familiar, Fawkes, shot him.

Yup. This was the life. Absolutely nothing could go wrong!

POP

Ah, there is today's 'Daily Prophet'. Good, good. Now he could see what was going on in the magical world today. He smiled his 'grandfatherly', which we now know as 'booze-induced tipsy', smile at the house elf in thanks, dismissing her.

POP

Yup. This was definitely the life. Having people waiting on hand and foot for you sure was great.

Now to see what the paper was writing about today...

**_'SIRIUS BLACK INNOCENT!' - D. I. Quigley_**

"Gack!" CHOKE, choke! What was the anti-choking charm again? Ah!

"Nullus Suffoco!", he barely managed to choke out, wand pointed at his throat.

"Aaah... I should be more careful." He muttered tipsily.

He frowned as he read the front page of the 'Daily Prophet'.

_**'SIRIUS BLACK INNOCENT!' - D. I. Quigley**_

**_'Earlier this morning it seemed but a normal day at the Ministry of Magic, that is, until something extremely surprising happened. At approximately 7:48am a naked man fell out of the Floo connection infront of several aurors. He was reported to having been tied up in magic-, and strangely enough, animagus- suppressing enchanted ropes. All over his body lacerations, and as discovered later, broken bones, were found; totaling a rough number of 85 broken bones and many more fractures. When the Aurors approached the man, they were gobsmacked to find out that this man was none other the the supposed 'late' Peter Pettigrew! Another shocking discovery was what appeared to be a sticky note attached to his forehead, reading:_**

**_"To those imbeciles at the Ministry. I hope you use veritaserum on this bastard unlike you did with Sirius Black. -Batman"_**

**_From what we can gather from the note left by this vigilante, we can see the Ministry of Magic accused of a serious case of miscarriage of justice. Minister Bagnold was unavailable for comment, while Sirius Black was released from Azkaban and sent to St. Mungo's for immediate treatment._**

**_Just who this mysterious vigilante called 'Batman' is exactly, remains to be known. The muggle studies Professor from Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was delighted to provide us some information on this mysterious person. He is assumed to be working for the Unspeakables in the Department of Mysteries._**

**_For more information on Peter Pettigrew, turn to p.2_**

**_For more information on Sirius Black, turn to p.3_**

**_For more information on Azkaban, turn to p4._**

**_For more information on Batman, turn to p6._**

Albus frowned thoughtfully. So Sirius was innocent all along? Oh dear, that poor poor man! He'd have check up on him some time to see his progress now that he'd no doubt be out of Azkaban. Was this 'Batman' a new rising dark lord? It would need looking into with his network of spies. He was brought out of his reverie when one of the devices he used to keep check of accidental magic on his charges at Dursley residence.

The headmaster sighed._ 'Best get going. I should be thankful, at the very least they are not as prone to accidental magic as young Neville has become... Then again, he will have to deal with Voldemort once he returns, so his bursts of accidental magic is somewhat of a godsend. I only hope the poor boy can cope once he finds out of the prophesy.. He could do without his arrogance though.. Alice and Frank really screwed up there, I'll admit.'_

With a silent POP, Albus Dumbledore disappeared from his office.

* * *

_Dursley residence._

Arriving in front of number four privet drive, Albus whistled a jaunty tune as he walked up to the door and knocked.

KNOCK

Hmm... It appears they might be going deaf.

KNOCK KNOCK

Really really strange. He'd have to recommend them to a muggle ear doctor.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKETY KNOCK

Okay, this was getting ridiculous. Where were they? He was Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore! Surely they realized that!

KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY KNOCKETY-

"ALRIGHT! Alright! I'm coming! Hold yer derned horses!"

Albus pasted on his best pleasant 'I'm-a-senile-old-grandfather-so-respect-me' smile as the door opened to reveal... Petunia!

"Hello my dear! It's been quite a whil-"

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHH!!! The demon rapists have come! The dem-"

"Mrs. Dursley!" Albus interrupted the hysterical young woman.

"I can assure you, that I'm not this demon rapist that you speak of, i've only come to check up on the Potter children, your charges. May I come in please?"

Petunia gave Albus a shaken look of hidden terror, but nodded weakly and motion for him to follow her upstairs. She pointed him to a door and left back downstairs. Albus frowned thoughtfully, and shrugged, entering the room.

When he entered he saw two shaken children hugging each other, the girl had fresh tears on her face and was in the process of wiping them off.

"Ah. Good day children, I'm Albus Dumbledore. How are you on this fine day?"

The two toddlers look up at the headmaster with 'dear-caught-in-the-headlight' expressions. The taller of the two, not by much though, stood up and stared suspiciously at the old geezer. "Hello Mister Dummeldor. I'm Melvin, this is my sister Daisy. "

The girl having stood up, and dried up her tears, smiled shyly at the tipsy headmaster and whispered a soft 'hello'.

Putting on his best 'grandfatherly', a.k.a slightly-intoxicated look, he smiled kindly at the two children. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to tell me why you both seem so sad? You can tell me, I'm here to help, I promise."

Albus suddenly found two toddlers clinging to him and his beard like a lifeline but he took it in stride, and absently listened to the two toddlers and how they whined about their bad home life. Mentally he shrugged, they were children, surely they were exaggerating. Yup, it sure was great to be logical. When they however mentioned something about the until now missing third sibling Albus perked up. "Sorry, could you repeat that?"

Daisy sniffled, wiping away her tears. "It's Harry, Mister Dumbumble! He left us two weeks ago and hasn't come back yet! He's gone!", she then proceeded into a another fresh burst of water works, wetting Albus' already wet robe.

Damn. He really liked that robe too. With it's pretty yellow stars, reminding him of his pretty yellow lemon drops, spiked with pretty yellow-ish firewhiskey. Good times, good times.

Brought out of his reverie, he patted them both on the head, secretly casting wandless stunners. He might as well let them stay at hogwarts for a few weeks while he waited for Sirius to get cleared. In the mean time, he had better find out what exactly happened on the day the missing sibling left. With that in mind, the slightly-less-tipsy headmaster headed out of the room and went downstairs, two unconscious toddlers floating behind him.

As he entered the living room he had to double take when he saw the normally quickly agitated Vernon Dursley sitting in a wheelchair, casts over his legs, chest, arms and a metal contraption around his face. This Vernon Dursley that was doped up on pain meds was much more desirable to the short tempered plumber Albus knew him as. He was a plumber right? Ah well, not important.

Albus cleared his throat and let Vernon know he was in the room. "Mr. Dursley? Could you please tell me what happened with regards to young Harry running away?"

Vernon's previous expression of orgasmic bliss morphed into one of pure absolute horror. He started making odd noises as if having trouble breathing, his eyes bulging more and more until he finally fainted. The headmaster sighed, cast an ennervate and pointed his wand at the overweight beached whale, mutter an incantation. "Leglimence."

When Albus entered the mind of Vernon Dursley searching for the memories he needed, he expected to see something along the lines of a small raven haired boy throwing a tantrum and running out the door vowing never to return.

What he saw instead, made him pale and nearly wretch as he left the mindscape. Back in tangible reality Albus was taking deep breaths trying not to let what he had just witnessed... experienced... to unsettle him. Those cold unforgiving Avada Kedavra green eyes boring into his- Vernon's, eyes as he beat him to within an inch of his miserable life, and how is eyes flashed with cold unforgiving humor as he quite simply told him he'd kill him if his siblings were so much as scratched by him.

He shivered. And popped a 'special' lemon drop. Ah... Much better. Did he just giggle? Strong dose of booze in that one.

With a shrug, pushing what he just witnessed to the back of his mind to peruse if he ever got sober, he made a portkey, and returned himself and his two passengers to Hogwarts.

* * *

And so, eventually Sirius Black was back to normal. Well, as normal as a guy who spent several years in Azkaban can be normal anyways. Sirius had eventually introduced himself to Daisy and Melvin and much to their joy offered to let them live with him, seeing as he was their godfather. Thus they eventually got to know each other, meeting Sirius' best mate, Remus Lupin they all got along fine.

The only snag came when Remus and Sirius heard how terrible their home life was, and how Vernon would take out his anger on poor little Harry. Albus had to literally hold both Remus and Sirius back with his magic to prevent them from downright going to murder the Dursleys. It was only after he had shown Remus and Sirius in private what had happened on the day of Harry's leave that they gave up going after the Dursleys.

When they emerged from the pensieve Remus looked pale and shaken and Sirius seemed somber and slightly pleased with how his godson got revenge... Even if Harry was a tiny bit creepy from the memory. Okay fine, scratch that, the kid was bat-shit crazy, that he was! It certainly didn't stop his determination from trying to locate his missing godson though.

Little did they know, that it would take many, many, years for them to finally locate James 'look-at-me-the-wrong-way-and-die!!' Potter. Ten years, to be exact.

* * *

_Ten years later... 3:36pm_

_Ministry of Magic._

"Albus! Albus, is it true? Merlin, I can't believe we finally have him back! Where is he-?"

"Sirius, Remus, calm down. I'm sure that you both are just as eager as young Mr. and Ms. Potter here are to see young Harry."

"Yeah! I wonder what Harry is like after all these years? What do you think Mel?"

"Can't say sis'. I hope he ends up in Gryffindor though. That would be so cool. Then all three of us will be in Gryffindor to prank those slimy Slytherins!"

Albus Dumbledore sighed as he walked through the Ministry of Magic halls leading to the Criminal detainment centre. He had briefed everyone with him on everything he'd been able to find out.

Turns out, young Harry had somehow ended up in America, for how long, no one knows. Any attempts at Leglimency were easily rebuffed, by the teen. Threats of Veritaserum were also shrugged off, leading some of the more paranoid aurors to believe the kid knew how to fight the potion's effects.

Albus was brought out of his thoughts when he and his entourage came to a halt in front of a window. Looking inside they couldn't help but gape at the young man, unbelieving that THIS was Harry James Potter.

Sitting in the center of the room, with his arms tied behind his back with magic suppressing cuffs, sat a young man short a few inches of Sirius' height, making him a good foot taller than his brother and a foot and a half taller than his sister. Unlike his brother and many other teenagers their age though, the young man sitting inside the room was built like a powerful athlete.

Wide broad shoulders, and muscles defining his body very well. He wore a black tank top muggle shirt, exposing his ripped arms and showing off a tattoo of certain runes around his bicep. The way he was built, made Sirius look a bit skinny.

Another contrast to his brother, was the fact that Harry had long raven hair gathered into a ponytail. A rebellious ponytail, Albus snarled mentally. He quickly calmed himself though, he still had the biggest beard around. No need to feel petty jealousy.

Further inspection revealed he wore a pair of dark camo pants and black combat boots. Strange. Was this boy enrolled in the military somewhere? Ah, no matter.

The most striking feature of the raven haired rebel though, was his sharp, cold calculating emerald eyes.

Those eyes snapped shutted, his eyebrow started twitched irritably, then he started cursing everyone in sight in the room, completely destroying the badass image he had going.

"Albus! You're finally here I see. Well let's get going, shall we?" Alaster Moody growled as he hobbled over to the Headmaster, followed by his apprentice, Nymphadora Tonks.

As Albus walked off with Moody and Tonks, his entourage remained behind to watch the scene unfold through the charmed wall.

Daisy was the first to break the silence. "Merlin! Is that really Harry? OUR Harry? He looks so.. so..."

"Rebellious?" Remus asked dryly. He snorted, amused. "If I recall correctly, the two of you are the biggest rebels in Hogwarts what with all the pranks you pull. Heaven forbid the day you two quit pranking."

Sirius chuckled. "Unlikely. The neo Marauders roll Moony. And they roll real good. I wonder if Harry likes pranks? Maybe he's pretty good?"

Melvin's eyes widened in glee. "I really hope so. It would be so cool having all three of the Potters pranking Hogwarts. I'm so glad Hermione help us with our pranks though. The things she comes up with..."

The others nodded, smiling at memories of all the good pranks.

"Well, it looks like we're about to find out what he's like." Remus said, pointing towards the charmed wall. Albus had just entered the room alone and every else in it had left.

Albus sat himself in front of the hand-cuffed teen and smiled serenely at him, already thinking of how easy this was going to be to get him to come to hogwarts and live with Sirius.

"Good day my boy, how are you?"

Everyone leaned in closer..

"You call me boy again, and I'll slit your fucking throat, old timer!"

Naturally, everyone's jaw's dropped and their eyes bugged as they watched the scene unfold.

* * *

_That same time,_

_Criminal detainment centre._

_The White Room._

_'Well fuck... This blows. No, no. This blows Merlins balls!'_, satisfied with his mental swearing, James 'look-at-me-the-wrong-way-and-die!!' Potter, now aged 15, let out a long suffering sigh.

_'I just HAD to flash those American Aurors my bits! And i just HAD to get pissed off when they commented that I was 'merely average'. And i just HAD to wipe the floor with 30 of their aurors. And i just HAD to do the whole monologue thing and get caught, then finally shipped back to Britain for reasons unknown to me.'_

Letting out another sigh, James cursed. First he cursed the bastard standing guard at the door, then he cursed the lady busy cleaning the room with cleaning charms, then he cursed the imbecile that had the audacity to call him Harry! HARRY?!! For god's sake, if he could, and he knew he certainly WOULD murder every last wanker in this terrible place.

_'They put me in a fucking WHITE room! What the hell? And i KNOW that wall over there has charms on it to allow outside observers. Fuck me! I can't believe I let myself get caught!'_

Resisting the urge to slam his head against the table in front of him him, he started counting backwards from 777. A nice peaceful number he assured himself.

At 524 seconds, he looked up to see the door open and witness a clearly senile old codger waltz in after making sure to agonizingly slowly close his only way of escape. He already hated this guy. Who does he think he is, destroying his only hope of escape? Oh... he'd make him pay... Mwhahaha. James blinked. _'Mental note, no more mental maniacal laughter. I'll need to start improvising externally from now on.'_

He lazily observed the right annoying old bastard sit in front of him in a slow leisurely way.

James stared at the senile goat.

The old man smiled serenely at James, his eyes twinkling.

_'Hold on a moment... Twinkling? Is this guy satanic or something?'_

He turned back to the present when old codger cleared his throat._ 'What, got a fly stuck in there old man? Clearly you're in awe of my manly presence and left gaping. Hah! I laugh at your foolishness. Ugh, my humor sucks. I'm so lame..'_

"Good day my boy, how are you?"

James snapped.

"You call me boy again, and I'll slit your fucking throat, old timer!"

* * *

Well, tell me what you think? Had this in my mind for a while, so please read and review. I appreciate every single comment, whether they be acidic, or of praise. I'll update depending on how viewers like it. If it's not liked enough I'll just change the tag to complete, and call it a one-shot.

Thanks for reading! ^=^


	2. Chapter 2

"You call me boy again, and I'll slit your fucking throat, old timer!"

The silence was so deafening that one would literally be able to hear a needle drop. Those observing the scene from behind the enchanted wall could only gape when they heard the young emerald eyed teenager speak.

The twinkle dimmed slightly in the bearded man's eyes, James noted with glee. This was Albus Dumbledore? The so called greatest living light wizard of this day and age? Psh, loser. Who did he think he was? The teenager perked up when he realized to old geezer was speaking.

"Now, now, no need to be rude Mr. Potter. I was merely worried. You gave us quite the fright when you disappeared off the radar a decade ago."

The teenager stared blankly at Albus, effectively creeping out him and those watching.

Trying his best to cover up the nervousness he felt, Albus cleared his throat and looked pointedly at the rebellious teenager. "Several people are very happy to know that you've finally been found Mr. Potter, and I'm sure they eagerly await your return into their lives."

James lazily tilted his head to the side with an eyebrow raised. In the back of his mind he was more focused on overloading the puny magic suppression cuffs. Ah, there we go. Now to wandlessly transfigure them into nice and sharp emerald-ish daggers. Never hurt to have a means of defence. That paedo-beard of his looked alive, and James wasn't taking any chances.

The teenager spoke in lazy drawl, careful not to reveal his newly acquired weapons. "Well that's very nice of them. Though I'm afraid the only place i'll be returning to is back to America. I don't know WHY the hell I was shipped back to this shitty country.. but I'm sure you being the smug all knowing bastard you are, will tell me."

Albus blinked. He had not expected the emerald eyed boy to refuse returning home. Looks like the kindly old grandfather routine didn't work on this boy. He shrugged mentally. He could use a good challenge he supposed. Besides, he simply HAD to get this boy on his side if his skill of easily defeating 30 fully trained american aurors had anything to say.

"Mr. Potter, I have only your best interests in mind, and I know that you'll certainly thank me once you're reacquainted with you family and godfather."

James shrugged. "You may have my best interest in mind, but even if you did, it wouldn't mean shit to me." He narrowed his eyes at the headmaster and inched closer. "I don't know you and you look like a creepy old paedophile! What makes you think I'm stupid enough to listen, much less 'trust' you?!", he hissed at Albus.

Albus' eyes twinkled merrily as he held out a bag of candy to the boy in front of him. "You need to calm down my boy. I mean you no harm. Here, have a lemon drop, they usually help calm me."

The teenager stared incredulously at the headmaster. Was the fool even listening to him? Apparently he never heard the whole, 'don't-take-candy-from-creepy-old-men' line?

"Are you out of your fucking mind? All you're doing is reinforcing the image that you're a lecherous old paedophile that seems to have mastered 'date-raping'."

The twinkle in the headmaster's eyes dimmed somewhat. The offered bag of candy still in front of the young teenager. "No lemon drop for you?", he asked almost... sadly? James shuddered. Now he knew those things were spiked.

"No. Just.. no... In fact. Hell no! Are you completely bat-shit crazy?"

The headmaster let out a sigh and hid his bag of what James had privately dubbed 'date-rapin'-sweets-fo'-kids'.

"Mr. Potter. Surely you see I'm only trying to do what's best for you? I mean you absolutely no harm and want only the best for you. Trust me."

James sweat dropped at Albus. The twinkle-eyed bastard just didn't give up, did he? He let out a sigh and spoke. "Look. Why the hell should I trust your word about not harming me when you've got an auror under the invisibility charm behind you?"

He heard a gasp in the direction he pointed his head and smirked when the air shimmered and revealed a purple haired female auror with pouty lips. She quickly directed her chocolate brown eyes at the 'bound' teenager and glared at him. "How did you know I was here? I put on a silencing charm before I cast the disillusionment charm"

James rolled his eyes at the voluptuous young auror. "You tripped on your way in, and I felt the vibrations on the floor. I see the quality of aurors here in England is as shitty as always."

The young woman turned red with rage. "Excuse me?!", she hissed angrily at the teen.

The teen snorted derisively. "Clumsy and deaf? Merlin, that's just pathetic!"

"SHUT UP!" She yelled, feeling fully flustered.

"Now Nymphadora, calm dow-"

"My name is Tonks!", she snapped at the aged headmaster, and then turned her attention back to the smirking teenager. That smug bastard!! How dare he smirk at her!

She marched toward the smirking teenager, seething. With her face now directly in front of his she glared angrily at the smug boy and grabbed his shoulders. "I dare you to repeat that." Her cold furious voice effectively caused those watching to shiver.

The teen blinked 'innocently' at Tonks. "You sure?"

Tonks' glared hardened and she grit out the words. "Yes!"

James grinned cheerfully and chirped his response. "Suite yourself."

Then to the surprise of everyone, he leaned closer to Tonks and pressed his lips to hers in a kiss.

The purple haired auror stood frozen when the Smug Little Bastard(SLB) kissed her fully. She realised she had to stop the kiss, but couldn't. Her eyes closed as she leaned into the kiss and found herself returning it, nearly letting out a moan when he playfully nibbled on her lower lip. Finally her eyes snapped open and she staggered back in shock, still not comprehending what had just occurred.

Finally after nearly a minute of silence she gave him an indignant slap and yelled at him. "Pervert!"

James merely winked at her in response, smirk fully visible on his face. Tonks was about to wipe that look off his face when Albus cleared his throat.

"I think that's enough Nympha-- Ms. Tonks. Calm yourself, and let us finish up here."

Tonks was about to respond but bit back her retort when she saw the serious look on Albus' face.

"Yes sir." ,she mumbled feeling properly chastised.

Albus sighed and turned to look at the teen. "Mr. Potter... Surely you want to return to your family? They miss you terribly. Please return to them."

James shrugged. "Not really. Why should I?"

The headmaster grinned inwardly. Finally, he was getting somewhere. "You are still under age Mr. Potter. And as such, you must return to live with you godfather and then go to Hogwarts to receive an education."

The teenager scoffed. "There's no way in hell I'm going to some second rate school. Besides, I probably know more than those idiot teachers."

Tonks glared at James. "Think you're too good for school, hm?"

James shrugged off her glare. "Not think. Know.. I'm far ahead of those silly little children. Why should I go there and waste my time learning things I already know?"

Albus smiled winningly at James. "Come now, Mr. Potter. Please reconsider. I'm sure you'll learn something there."

James stared blankly Albus for several seconds before retorting. "NOOoooooooooo." he said in a perfectly bland voice.

Tonks scoffed at the teen. "Stop thinking you're better than others, when obviously you aren't."

The raven haired boy smirked at Tonks. "I know for a fact I'm a better kisser than you. Don't feel bad though, you're above average. Lips taste lovely too. Hmmm... Strawberry..."

SLAP

"Hey, that one hurt!"

"Stop being a pervert, you idiot!"

"You're just as much a pervert as I am! You enjoyed that kiss, admit it!"

"There's no way I'd ever be a perverted deviant like you, and that kiss was horrible!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not! You're just annoyed there are people watching. Meaning you cant ravage me like I know you want to-"

SLAP

"Ouch damnit! Stop hitting me, woman!"

"Then stop being an idiot, idiot!"

"Stop calling me an idiot, idiot!"

Albus rubbed his aching temple. This was getting nowhere real fast.

"Children... behave yourselves!"

"BUTT OUT!" Both James and Tonks snapped at the old headmaster.

Albus felt his eyebrow twitching.

"How dare you call me an idiot, why I oughta..!"

"Oughta what? Kiss me?! Go right ahead, I'll even give you pointers!"

CRACK

Both James and Tonks look at Dumbledore. His wand was out, and if their soundless lips was any indication, he had silenced them after getting their attention.

"If you two are quite done with your lover's spat, could we please carry on? I'm sure we all have better things to be doing than arguing." With that, he removed the silencing charm. He noticed both Tonks and James glaring at each other, but ignored it.

"Mr. Potter..." He began. "Surely there's something that I can do that will make you attend Hogwarts?"

James' eyes lit up with glee. "Yeah. I got something..."

Though Albus felt slight unease at the look on James' face, he pressed on. "Yes?"

The teenager smirked at the fuming form of Tonks. "Nymphadora over there will also join me at Hogwarts. I figure that if I have to suffer, then she can join me."

Tonks' eyes widened comically. "What?! No way! Are you out of your mind?!"

James' smirk turned predatory. "It's either that, or I refuse to go to that shitty place."

The headmaster looked pleadingly at the young auror.

The purple haired young woman noticed the look and held her arms out in front of her in the form of a cross. "Nuh uh. No way!"

"Please Ms. Tonks. It's for the greater good!"

"The greater good can kiss my arse. There's no bloody way I'm going to relive my time at Hogwarts. Besides, I already have my NEWTS, I don't NEED to go, unlike the idiot over there."

"Hey!"

Albus sighed and turned to James. "Ms. Tonks, DOES have a point, Mr. Potter..." he trailed off.

James snorted. "She could just use her metamorphmagus skills to change her appearance and make herself younger. And besides, it never hurts to have an Alias with NEWTS under it's name. Isn't that right, Mr. Auror?" he finished staring at the empty space to Dumbledore's right.

After several seconds of silence, a peg-legged auror appeared out of thin air and growled at the captive teenager. "How'd you know I was there, kid?"

Rolling his eyes, James answered. "You put up a silencing charm, but forgot about your scent. I smell some firewhiskey and male deodorant on you."

Moody nodded and growled approvingly. "Well done, kid. I left off the scent masking charm to test if those reports we received on you were accurate. And from how you disabled your magic suppressing cuffs and wandlessly transfigured them into daggers... I'd say they hold truth..."

Everyone save James and Moody gasped when they heard that, and gaped when the teen slammed one dagger into the table in front of him, while absently playing with the other. "So you noticed? Useful eye, that." he motion at Moody's magical eye.

"Hey wait a minute.. How'd you know I was a metamorphmagus? None of us told you that!"

James stared at Tonks coolly. "Aside from he fact that you're clumsy as hell? Your hair turned a slight shade brighter whenever I pissed you off. Anyone with a trained eye for detail would have noticed that."

He shrugged. "And besides. I'm also one." He finished with a smirk, turning his hair silver and back to black just for the hell of it."

Everyone save James was surprised at THAT bit of information.

Albus was feeling giddy inside. A skilled duelist AND a metamorphmagus? What good fortune! He simply HAD to get James on his side. Such talent could potentially help against Voldemort and his rising forces. He cleared his throat.

"Mr. Potter. You said that you would be willing to attend Hogwarts and return to your family should Ms. Tonks join you at Hogwarts?"

When James nodded, Albus beamed, only to wince when Tonks shouted. "What?! There's no way I'm going back to Hogwarts! You can't make me!"

Albus sighed and gently chided Tonks. "Now, now, Ms. Tonks. Please be reasonable. Having you in Hogwarts undercover would certainly be a boon for the students of Hogwarts' safety."

Moody gruffly nodded and added his own comment. "It would certainly help in the long term, Tonks. And besides, the kid has a point. Having an Alias with NEWTS attached to it could open a whole lot of opportunities for you. You may be offered to join the unspeakables."

Tonks looked helplessly at Moody. "Not you too!"

Albus nodded sagely. "So it's settled then? When Hogwarts starts you'll both be enrolled into the fifth year so that you may get your OWLs."

James rolled his eyes. "Not like it's gunna be much of a challenge. I'll probably end up first in that year."

Tonks smirked. "Not bloody likely. You forget, I'm the auror here. Which means more experience. So I'll be getting first."

The raven haired teen's eyes narrowed at Tonks. "Yeah? Wanna put your money where your mouth is?"

The female auror chuckled. "Of course."

James lazily cracked his neck, now balancing the dagger with it's edge on one of his fingers. "Name your terms, woman."

Tonks laughed inwardly. Revenge would be hers! "If I place first at the end of the year, you'll be my slave for an entire year. You'll do anything I command you to." When James nodded, she chuckled darkly. "I'll enjoy breaking you..."

The raven haired rebel rolled his eyes. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I already 'popped my cherry' so to speak. You should still be able to ravage me silly though."

The purple haired auror rolled her own eyes. "Ha ha, very funny. Now, what do you want if, and that's a strong IF, if you manage to get first?"

James smirked at Tonks. "It would only be fair If I received the same that you would, if you won. Besides, I've always wanted a cute girl-slave." The teen grinned toothily, and dodged a stinging hex Tonks sent his way.

"So we're agreed? And just to make sure you don't back out of it, we'll make a binding contract. Okay?"

Tonks nodded, already picturing the obscenely embaressing situations she'd put the boy through when he became her slave.

"Alright, I'll start... I Harry James Potter swear on my life and magic that I will become Nymphadora Tonks' servant until she tells me otherwise, and follow her every command for an entire year IF she gets first place in the end of fifth year at Hogwarts. So mote it be."

Tonks rose an eyebrow at James' wording of his oath, and shrugged.

"I Nymphadora Tonks swear on my life and magic that I will become the servant of Harry James Potter until he tells me otherwise, and follow his every command for an entire year IF he gets first place in the end of fifth year at Hogwarts. So mote it be."

James and Tonks smirked at each other when the magic generated light died down. Oh, it was ON! The challenge was issued. Now they had to see who would get first place, or become a servant trying.

Albus clapped his hands. "Well, with that out of the way, let's get out of here. I'm sure you'd love to meet your family now, Mr. Potter."

James shrugged. He never really got the true meaning of family. If it meant what he felt for Sirius back in his old world, meaning, having a drinking partner to wake up naked next to, in a mexican jail after a heavy night of drinking. Then yes. He probably wouldn't mind 'family' all that much.

Then again.. It probably wouldn't be wise to get his siblings into the 'art' of drinking too early in their lives. Who's to say they wont turn into alcoholics? He would much rather NOT face the wrath of his Mother in the afterlife for corrupting his siblings. The things Sirius told him Lily had done when pissed still gave James nightmares to this day. Truly, hell had no wrath like a redheaded woman scorned.

When he came out of the white room his was slightly surprised to note Sirius and Remus were both here along with his siblings. They seemed slightly nervous to meet him, if the odd silence and looks they shot him had anything to say.

"Hey sibling number one, sibling number two. How goes life-eth?" He nodded at two frozen red heads. He turned to greet Sirius. "Hello Godfather." He inclined his head to Remus standing next to Sirius. "Godfather's lover."

If the supposed reunion wasn't to serious, James might have laughed at how Sirius and Remus' faces turn a pale shade of disgusted green. His siblings seemed to be the first out of their trance.

"HARRY!!"

James grunted as his two siblings tackled into him, knocking out some of the air in his lungs. Ouch. Were reunion hugs usually this bone crushingly painful?

"A-air!" he managed to choke out.

Both let go but quickly returned to hugging him again, albeit a bit softer this time. When they let go, James noted they both seemed to be crying for some reason. Hmm.. Wonder why, he mused thoughtfully.

Next he was pulled into another deathgrip by his godfather and his werewolf companion. This time it realy felt like bones were snapping.

"Merlin, Harry! Look at how you've grown!"

"James."

"What?" Sirius asked, confused.

"Call me James. Harry is a crappy name. Seriously."

Sirius nodded, and beamed at the raven haired boy. "Alright, James. It's great to finally meet you. As you know, I'm your Godfather, the two carrot tops are your brother and sister, Melvin and Daisy, and this bozo here is our good friend Remus Lupin."

"Nice to meet you." James said, lazily shaking hands where appropriate.

"Well, we best be getting out of here and back home. I'm sure Molly and your siblings' friend Hermione would love to meet you."

James shrugged. "Riiight. I'm sure they would. By the way. Just out of curiousity, where does Nymphadora live?"

Sirius smirked at the glaring Tonks standing behind James. "She was kicked out of her apartment a while back. Apparently the owner didn't take too well to her slopiness. She didn't want to return to her parents, so she's crashing with us."

James nodded. "And there's a room for me at this... home of yours? I do value my privacy, after all."

Sirius blinked, and nodded. "Yes, there's plenty of room in the old black manor. The place is still a mess though, seeing as we just moved in recently, what with the increase in Death eater activity."

The teen smirked. "Excellent, when do we leave?"

Remus spoke up. "As soon as Professor Dumbledore has you signed out. In the mean time read this." he said, handing a piece of paper to James.

_'The Order of the Phoenix can be found at Number twelve Grimmauld place.'_

If James was surprised when the piece of paper burnt to cinders after he read it, he hid it well.

"Man, I can't wait till this all will be over. I can already picture Tonks in a cute french maid outfit." he said, eyes glazed slightly as he pictured the image.

Tonks snorted. "Yeah right. Like you'd ever win that bet."

James smirked. "Of course I will. I'm just that good."

Tonks snickered. "In your dreams!"

James looked mock offended. "Hey! I'm serious!"

Sirius chose that time to to pipe up. "No you're not. I'm Sirius!"

He was met with groans from everyone.

James rolled his eyes fondly. "Sirius. When we get back, you're popping out a nice bottle of firewhiskey so that we can get better acquainted. You in?"

Sirius beamed, and crushed James in a hug. "My godson wishes to drink with me! Oh happy day!"

"Le' go, ya crazy bastard!"

* * *

Aaaand that's the second chap.

Do tell me what you think. Thanks for reading. ^-^


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